Duct Tape Can’t Mend a Broken Heart. But It Can Keep a Diaper On.

Jon
Jun 23 |17:38

Success!I was thinking today about how relatively simple most of the problems we solve for the girls are. Sure, there’s four of them, and that can be a bit overwhelming sometimes, especially if they all need something at once or the schedule gets even slightly out of whack. But our biggest issues are spills and boo-boos and forgetting to go potty. Having worked with teenagers for a decade or so, I have a slight inkling of what’s to come – hurt feelings, broken hearts, relationships, cliques, drama, drama, drama, and so forth. Note that I did not say I know everything that’s coming. I am quite sure I have no clue what a tunnel of fire four girls in high school at the same time – all under one roof, all with strong personalities – will be like. I shudder to think. So while today’s trials have their own weight, it’s important to keep perspective and enjoy these days when they are willing to be seen in public with Daddy and believe that he is strong and can fix anything. And to enjoy problems that can be solved with a little patience, strong disinfectant, and the handyman’s helper.

For example: today I had to be reminded that some toddlers need their diapers duct-taped at nap time.

Most parents reading that sentence will chuckle. Most of us have been there. I have been there. So really I have no excuses and deserve no sympathy. I should have seen the tell-tale signs: Maya was increasingly more undressed every time we got her out of bed. Yesterday morning, she greeted me in only a diaper, holding her onesie aloft triumphantly, flashing a big cheesy grin as if to say “Mission Accomplished!” Cute, right? Maybe that’s why I didn’t hear the 50s sci-fi robot in my subconscious trying to warn me: “Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!” But I was to distracted by her adorableness to see the logical conclusion of this pattern of behavior. Only too late did I recall that Arnold Girls love a challenge, and  for Maya there was only one more disrobing mountain to climb.

Only the diaper was left.

You already know what happened. I will spare you the gory details. Let’s just say that she succeeded in getting the diaper off before she went to sleep. Sometime during that nap nature took it’s course. And apparently nature was angry. And Maya awoke. She is an artist at heart, it would seem, and something deep within led her to express her creativity with a display of finger-painting that has led me to nickname her “Poopcaso.”

A shower, and couple loads of laundry, a lot of disinfectant, one toy taken apart, and several rounds of Mom’s special stuffed animal cleansing method later, and we are almost back to normal. As I scrubbed and disassembled, a wave of deja vu swept over me, followed immediately by chagrin: I suddenly remembered I have done this dance before. With the twins. Both of them. We tried a lot of things to solve it. We finally had to go all “Red Green” on ‘em: they could not defeat duct tape.

So Maya now has improvised industrial strength diaper closures. If memory serves, the next step is climbing out of the crib. That should be a hoot with this one…

For now, I am thankful for small problems and a big family. And I’m taking some Ginko, cause I’ve really got to try to remember this stuff…

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Developmental Psychology 101

Jon
Jun 19 |11:49

Maya On SwingI have a new funding source for the girls’ college education -- college students. I’m looking around the house and realizing that I have an active, functioning Developmental Psychology lab right here under one roof.

When Stacey was in college, one of her assignments was to go to Bellevue Square, watch children playing in the play area and write down observations. This is, of course, an assignment destined for disaster, especially if the student is a male and they happen to record some of their observations on a camera phone. “It’s for a school project” is an explanation likely to get you tackled by burly mall security guards.

But why risk the indignity of being taken down by rent-a-cops? Come on over to Arnold-ville, where you can observe four siblings in their native habitat! You can see a living example of just about every stage in your text book, all with in the space of an hour or two. For extra credit, you can take ‘em to a playground or feed them a meal and get even more learnin’ on.

Case in point: Middle Child Syndrome / New Baby Anxiety. Maya is no longer the baby. She’s coping fairly well, but yesterday she was trying out all the baby items in the house -- swing, car seat, pacifier. I got it on video (sort of -- see below), but seeing it live is oh so much more informative.

Or we could hire a film crew. If the recent documentary “Babies” is any indication, people love to sit in theaters and watch babies for two hours at eleven bucks a pop. Sure babies are cute, but they don’t really do that much. Add two preschoolers and a toddler -- now that’s entertainment! Of course, this sort of veers into the whole “Jon & Kate” / “Balloon Boy” opportunism, so maybe we should pull it back a bit, even though in the American psyche nothing says ‘I love my kids” more than a little exploitation (That was sarcasm, people. Cutting edge social commentary smothered in tasty ironic nougat).

Until the UW calls to set up their extension campus here, I will continue to document the developments for science and posterity. Think of me as your Dev. Psych. Jane Goodall, and this blog as “Toddlers in the Mist.” The mist, in this case, is the spray from the kitchen sink faucet one of them has gotten a hold of. Yipe! Gotta go!

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Fifth Grade Minivan Geometry.

Jon
Jun 16 |15:30

What kind of car seats more than five? The obvious answer (in my price range, anyway) is a minivan, which we have. It is simultaneously the most emasculating and the most convenient vehicle I have ever owned. There is nothing cool about driving a minivan, no matter how pimped out, no matter what John Travolta’s character said in “Get Shorty” (saying “it’s the Cadillac of minivans” is like saying “it’s the Mercedes of Gremlins” – not an apples to apples comparison). Our minivan can, however, comfortably seat 7, and its seats can be folded into the floor to make it a cargo van. Or you can leave the seats up and use the under-seat storage as a smuggler’s hold, a la the Millennium Falcon.

Which brings me to the geometry problem. As you can see in the photo above, we have gone ahead with my ingenious plan to place the three older kids in the back seat. By so doing, we could keep one seat folded into the floor, providing ample space to crawl in and strap the nippers down as well as much needed cargo room for the weekly “half my paycheck” trips to Costco for pallets of milk, cereal, waffles, and diapers.

Today we tried it out on our first car ride as a family of six. It worked out splendiferously – the two boosters and Maya’s car seat can be crammed into that tiny bench – no room to spare, but it works. One caveat – the receiver end of the seat belts are now 4 inches into the tiny crevasse between car seats. Technically possible to reach, but you can get only one hand in there, and clicking in a seat belt is, oddly enough, difficult with one hand.

Not one to be foiled by something as simple as vehicle design, I have scoured the series of tubes we call the Internets for a solution (thank you, Mr. Gore, for your wonderful invention). I have found one, but I have mixed feelings about the depths to which I have sunk…

I now have a charge on my credit card from an online store called “More of Me To Love.”

Apparently these sorts of devices are not generally aimed at the car seat crowd. But I found exactly what I needed – an 8″ rigid seat belt extender that should put the receiver at exactly the right level – maybe high enough for the girls to buckle themselves. THAT would be a massive step forward!

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When Normal is a Miracle

Jon
Jun 15 |11:30

Ella in a SwingWe are home. Mom and baby are sleeping. Ella is eating well, doing…other bodily function things well. All is well. And…perfectly normal. Here she is in a swing (or as we like to call it, “The Sanity Saver”).

I was thinking about the road Ella took into the world. It was by no means easy on Stacey (being pregnant while having three girls four and under already is no picnic). It was by no means simple -- having a baby never is. But the pregnancy, delivery, and postpartum hospital stay were, by all accounts, routine, unremarkable, and entirely normal.

This means something to us. Our first two pregnancies were far from normal. They began with medical assistance and were considered high risk the whole way through. Compared to Janae, Corinne, and Maya, Ella had:

  • The longest gestation. The twins were born at 36 weeks, Maya at barely 37, Ella at 39.
  • No jaundice, bili blankets, bili beds, or home photo therapy.
  • Just over 48 hours in the hospital.
  • No long term stay in Special Care Nursery.

Ella was conceived against all odds. No one thought it medically possible. Having her here is a one in a billion shot. Everyone who hears the story says “she is a miracle baby.” So true. Even more than you know. It is a miracle she was conceived. Her time in the womb was miraculous. Her birth and first few days have been astonishing.

All because they’ve been so ridiculously normal.

It makes me marvel and the goodness of God. The Bible always talks about “signs and wonders.” We know signs are to point to a specific truth, fact, or action item. But wonders? They are intended to leave us breathless and speechless at the beauty, power, and grace of our Father. And I am. We asked for a baby for a long time before the twins. I think God sent along this little wonder to remind us that He answered then, but is also able to do more than we could ever ask or imagine.

I am thankful for the miracle of normal.

Now a video of our “Wide-Eyed Wonder Girl.”

As you can see from my blog I am an open book. Always glad to have just about any conversation J. I’m not entirely sure what you mean by “unfinished business”, or “what is still lingering or unresolved or buried” between you and I that is related to what I have posted on my blog, but I interested in discussing it and learning what you mean.

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Take Me Home Tonight…

Jon
Jun 14 |10:09

Ella sleeps, but only during the day.

…or maybe this afternoon. Ella was up all night again, and has finally gone to sleep. Gotta work on that whole night / day routine…

Good news – we are cleared to head home today! This will be our shortest hospital stay of all the pregnancies. Special thanks to Team Barsness for taking on the other three through today and to Team Barker for taking the home stretch – not sure what we would have done without you!

Ella is a great eater, which is a mixed blessing. All good for sure, but a bit exhausting for Mom. We never really experienced the full-blown “marathon feeding” with the others – pretty crazy. She wanted to eat every 30 minutes or so. Her bilirubin levels are normal so far, which means no home phototherapy for jaundice – also a first for an Arnold Girl! Now Mom and baby are sleeping and I am packing up. Should get some final tests going and final paperwork, then home sweet home! I figured out how to get at least one good picture in low light with Stacey’s fancy-dancy camera. Here it is:

Talk to you when we get home…

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